SLOW: Lion Crossing

As I die day by day, and slowly wither away
I pray you don’t cry for my sins,
Only that you sing for the tragedies
And then burry me, burry me
Beneath the weeping willow tree

In the spring, I’ll drink from the fresh dew aiding in her happy tune
Beneath the willow tree
In the summer, I’ll be covered in shade
Forever here to stay
Beneath the willow tree
In the fall, I’ll have a warm coat of leaves
Waiting for you
Burried beneath the willow tree
And all the winter long, the willow tree will bend and weep for me

If die today, just for sake
Burry me, burry me beneath the weeping willow tree
Don’t you cry for me, you’ll miss me but a day
Just tell me now, let me hear you say
That you’ll burry me beneath the willow tree

So burry me, Burry me
Beneath the weeping willow tree

Stupid boys and their big mouths and stupid girls for jumping to conclusions. I’m so dumb, as usual! I totally thought one of my f—-buddies had bragged to another of my friend… But the friend that tricked me into almost admitting I had slept with him. So yeah, we’re no longer talking. Gah, I’m so dumb. My life, it’s so meaningless!

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So I’ve graduated. I’m all signed up for the cosmetology school in another town. I’m trying to find a place with my mom in said town. I don’t have a boyfriend to say goodbye too, I already took care of that. My friends all know I’ve wanted to leave town for a long time, they shouldn’t be too shocked. My best friend is angry, she’ll get over it and move on- like she always had, like we both have several times before.

Yet, I feel dead. I feel as though I’m done, life is over, I’ve done everything I need to. What’s left? Everything is up to fate now. Whether I become famous, or get a good job, or end up broke and an alcoholic like my mom with three kids she can’t afford. Hell, maybe I’ll be killed by a bus or join the military and get my ass run over there. I’m just finding very little motivation to get beyond this day. Tomorrow I start work at the fair, I’ll be on my feet for over twelve hours and I’m not excited. I mean I am, but I’m not.

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Ten years ago, all I wanted was to finish school, go to college, and be away from it all. Ten years later, almost eleven actually, I am finishing school and am about to start college. Yet, I’ve opened my big mouth again, and made a promise I don’t intend to keep, because I doubted I can do it by myself. What am I? Who am I? Where will I be in ten years, and where is it that I am supposed to be?

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That awkward moment when you realize your brother heard you having sex, and foronceyou were trying to keep it a secret. Oh well! LOL regardless, all of last night was a mistake- prolly a huge one. One that I would like to forget quickly!

So moving on, I have a massive hangover. I drank way too much and didn’t get nearly enough sleep. I’ve got to say, I’ve become quite the.. man. While with someone I’m intending to -to be blunt- fack, I’m texting someone else about meeting up with them tomorrow. That’s bad, I know and makes me sounds like a whore or whatever, but I quite enjoy being in control of these men. Not sexually, but just having them at my beck and call I mean. They enjoy the sex more, I’m sure.

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Big surprise -sarcasm-, there was drama again. My mom has lost her mind and now finds herself in a horrible situation. Well guess what, I’m tired of feeling like I can’t help her and that I need to be there for her. It’s mother’s day and I will have nothing to do with her from now on. I’ll see her again soon, but I’m not going to show her pity or bother listening to her at all. I’m moving on with my life and that’s that. I’ve got a plan, read up!

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Yesterday, I took my niece and nephew to Baskin Robins. We sat in a plaza like area to eat our ice cream. A young woman was sitting there very quietly when she saw an elderly woman stroll on up, and started a conversation with the woman, though she didn’t stop walking. They may have known each other, but the only names there were exchanged were Lord and Jesus. It made me smile. “I want that…” I thought to myself, but wasn’t sure even what I meant.

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WARNING- Rated R!!

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Hello loves! Where to start? Well, I have strep throat (a form of it) and felt way awful and life is on hold for now… Well, all of it but the drama, yesterday I agreed to hang out with my ex at the park with my niece. She’s been asking about him and I’ve been missing him like crazy anyhow by this point in the breakup. I offered to let him to come in for dinner, and tried to make it sincere, and really did want him too because I was starting to feel really weak and sick (like flu sick). But he just went home and texted me that it would be too awkward since we broke up.

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As lame as this sounds, while watching the show New Girl, something that was said struck me. Jess’ boyfriend was over and done with ‘passion’ and ‘partying’ and all that, but Jess is still young and wants the passion of being in the middle of a crazy fight then stop and just start making out wildly. Well that kinda gears towards me in several ways. I experienced a bit of passion (it’s actually mentioned in my last post), but it wasn’t enough to keep me around as a girlfriend (not the passion, but he wasn’t enough). All my young life, I have never felt passionate about anything… Or so I told myself.

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